Chapter Two-Hundred Forty-Five: Oakhaven Part Four

Chapter 245

Oakhaven Part Four

Fabien had grilled steak and wings for everyone, including Professor Stewart Murphy, who joined them for dinner. Tristan delicately enjoyed a medium-rare steak and sipped Pinot Noir, in contrast to Deimos, who devoured his food with less refinement and gulped down beer. Celeste had a soda with two steaks cooked blue, while Fabien paired a rare steak with wings and a beer. Jaxon ate wings and drank beer, while Lena nibbled on wings with an iced tea. Taking bites of his steak, Stewart washed the meal down with a glass of Pinot Noir.

Prof. Murphy: “This is a delectable meal, Fabien! You are quite the cook!”

He raised his glass, gently swirling the Pinot Noir as he watched the wine coat the sides of the crystal. Ashley sauntered into the room and noticed Jordi wasn’t with them.

Ashley: “Hey, guys, where's Jordi?”

They asked.

Ashley: “That looks good!”

They smiled at the food.

Fabien: “Pull up a seat and dig in!”

He nodded to the empty seat.

Stewart: “Oh, Jordi was at our lodge. He was quite angry with Blair, and he was getting flirty with Vanessa’s friend, Mattie.”

He chuckled as he sipped on his wine. Tristan surveyed him.

Tristan: “Is that so?”

Ashley's heart sank.

Ashley: “...Wh-What? Are you sure? That doesn't seem like Jordi…”

They knit their eyebrows.

Blair popped out, waiting for the right moment to strike.

Blair: “YUP! Sure is! I got it all on camera!”

He beamed.

Fabien: “Of course, you did, Blair! How long were you waiting there?”

He laughed. Ashley gaped at Blair.

Blair: “A long time! I had to poop, so I went in the sand!”

He chirped. Everyone at the table groused. Stewart drew a long breath. Ashley gaped at him with disgust.

Fabien: “Oh, fuck me gently with a chainsaw.”

He laughed and gagged.

Tristan: “Such determination.”

He said dryly.

Ashley: “I think I lost my appetite…”

They bowed their head.

Deimos: “You have five seconds to get your ass off here!”

Blair: “No can do, Deimos! I gotta show Ashley the footage!”

Jaxon: “Show the footage. Show her that Jordi is a giant hypocrite.”

He huffed. Lena knit her eyebrows. Ashley's heart pounded. Blair quickly stepped forward and displayed the video footage on his camera. It captured Jordi putting up a volleyball net for the girls, as well as Mattie touching his chest and arm, and tickling his feet. The recording also included a scene where she invited Jordi to sit next to her after he agreed to gather firewood.

Watching the playback, Fabien pursed his lips to hide his amusement, while Tristan looked on with clear intrigue, and Jaxon maintained a smug smirk. Celeste and Deimos continued eating their food, not caring about this. Ashley was too stunned for words at what they had seen, feeling a sting in their heart and chest, unsure what to think or feel.

Ashley: “Y-You must have edited it or something! I'll go speak to Jordi himself!

They cried and marched out to find him. Blair followed Ashley

Fabien: “Come on, Blair took a shit in the sand like a cat. You think he has the brains to edit it?”

He laughed, extending his hand out.

Tristan: “It’s all right, Fabien. I am the reason Ashley remained with Lazaros. Remember that.”

He said wryly.

~

Jordi didn’t take long. True to his word, he emerged from the edge of the dunes fifteen minutes later, carrying a hefty bundle of dry driftwood and fallen branches cradled in his arms. His purple hair was ruffled from the coastal breeze, and he carried the wood with an effortless, casual strength that drew a look from more than just Mattie.

Jordi: “Here I am!”

He announced, dropping the logs into a tidy heap in the center of their cleared sand circle with a satisfying clunk. He dusted his palms together.

Mattie: “Very impressive…”

She said, looking up from the neon-striped blanket where she was lounging.

Jordi walked over, shaking out of his unbuttoned shirt. Instead of sitting on the edge of the blanket, he sank right into the sand next to Mattie, leaning back on one elbow. He was close enough that she could feel the heat radiating from his skin. She leaned closer, her shoulder brushing his arm, and nodded toward the woodpile.

Mattie: “Now, are you actually going to light that, or are we just going to stare at a pile of sticks?”

Jordi reached into the pocket of his denim shorts and pulled out a classic, silver Zippo lighter, flicking it open with a practiced snap of his wrist.

As the first flame caught on a piece of dried bark, casting a warm, flickering amber glow over the sand, Vanessa clicked the boombox back on. A slow, atmospheric synth melody filled the air, blending with the steady crash of the tide. Jordi grabbed a bottle of beer from the cooler and opened it.

Jordi pocketed the lighter, turning his head to look at Mattie in the firelight. Mattie met his gaze, her playful demeanor softening just a fraction into something genuinely warm. She slid her hand down, resting her fingers lightly on top of his where they lay in the sand.

Jordi brought the bottle to his lips and sipped it. Ashley approached them at the beach and stood behind Jordi.

Ashley: “Jordi?”

They asked softly, looking at him. Jordi turned around.

Jordi: “Hey, what are you doing here?”

He asked them.

Ashley: “I was wondering where you were… what's going on?”

Jordi glanced at his watch.

Jordi: “Sorry, I didn’t show for dinner. I was helping these girls set up a volleyball net and a bonfire.”

Mattie gaped at them, wondering who they were to Jordi.

Ashley: “Oh, that's nice of you!”

They smiled a bit and looked at Mattie, who was gaping at them.

Ashley: “Hi, I'm Jordi’s partner, Ashley!”

They said. Mattie had that glint in her eyes.

Mattie: “I’m Mattie. Charmed. Jordi was getting into playing volleyball. He’s good on his feet and pretty good with his hands.”

She smirked. Jordi pursed his lips. Ashley tilted their head.

Ashley: “Oh, really now? Yes, he sure is!”

They smiled tightly, feeling something they hadn't felt before.

Blair rushed up, huffing and puffing, out of breath.

Blair: “I DIDN’T EDIT IT!”

He bawled. Jordi turned to Blair in a fury.

Jordi: “Didn’t edit WHAT?!”

He rasped. Ashley sighed.

Ashley: “He was recording you with her, but I wanted to check for myself…”

They bowed their head.

Mattie: “Why, to prove Jordi was into everything?”

She flipped her hair. Jordi turned to her and back to Ashley.

Blair: “I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!”

He sobbed, pounding his fists in the sand. Ashley gaped at her and turned to Jordi.

Ashley: “What's going on, Jordi?”

They asked him, wanting to hear it from him.

Jordi: “I’m helping them with some stuff, and I needed space from Tristan, Fabien, and Jaxon!”

He said with a trace of irritation. The words Tristan said echoed in his mind, rendering him more confused than ever. Ashley wanted to believe him, but they had a sinking feeling it wasn’t just about them. Why did he allow her to boss him around, and why didn’t he tell her about me? They wondered with hurt.

Mattie slowly turned her head to look at him, the amber light dancing in her large eyes. She looked down at his outstretched legs, then back up to him. A slow, mischievous grin spread across her lips, and she lunged.

She shifted off the blanket and into the sand, her hands instantly finding his bare feet. Without a shred of mercy, she dug her fingers into the soft arches of his soles, wiggling her nails rapidly back and forth. Jordi let out a loud, breathless yelp.

Jordi: “ARGH!! NOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!”

He gasped, his body jerking violently as a wave of unbearable ticklishness hit him. He tried to scramble backward, but because he was propped up on his elbows, he ended up collapsing completely flat onto his back in the sand. Ashley gasped.

Ashley: “HEY!”

They furrowed their brows at her, diving in to tickle Jordi’s feet with their fingers.

Jordi: “WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAAAHA!!”

Mattie laughed loudly as she leaned over his ankles, relentlessly keeping up her attack. She ran her fingers lightly along his toes, sending him into absolute hysterics.

Jordi: “OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!! NOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!”

Ashley took his other ankle and fluttered their fingers between his toes and down the arches of his feet. Jordi screamed with laughter as tears streamed down his cheeks.

Jordi: “WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!! AHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

Ashley trickled and danced their fingertips across his soft soles, fighting for their man with tickles and laughter. Mattie scribbled her nails over his arches and trailed up to his tummy, tracing his abs. Blair curled into a ball, sobbing loudly that no one was paying attention to him.

Jordi: “WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!! NOHOHOHOHOHOHO!! STAHAHAHAHAHAHAP!!”

Ashley stopped as soon as he cried out. He kicked his legs wildly, finally managing to yank his knees up to his chest and tuck his feet safely out of her reach. He rolled onto his side, curling into a defensive ball, his shoulders shaking as he struggled to catch his breath. Blair wailed loudly, jumping up and down, and stomping his feet.

Jordi slowly uncurled, rising to his feet, dusting the sand off himself.

Blair: “It wasn’t edited, Ashley!”

He snapped through hot tears. Ashley embraced themself, not knowing what to think or feel, looking at Jordi with confusion and hurt, and then their mind was triggered to wonder, was he doing to them what Lazaros did? Discard them and move on to the next beautiful, chubby woman? They couldn’t help but to notice the physical similarities between themself and Mattie and didn’t know what to think or feel. Maybe Tristan could help me? But I think I really hurt his feelings, and I need to make him some tea and cookies. Their mind spiraled with racing thoughts.

Ashley: “I-I gotta go…”

They cried and ran off back towards the lodge.

Blair scrambled to his feet to chase them, but tripped over a crab and fell flat on his face. Jordi watched them go and inhaled sharply.

Vanessa: “I thought they were in love with Lazaros!”

~

Tristan sat on a beach lounge, his boater shoes kicked off, resting his bare feet up on the lounge. He was reading a book, smoking a cigarette, and holding a glass of wine, which he occasionally sipped. Celeste carried a huge pile of wood in her arms as if they were a light toy and gathered them around to start a bonfire. Ashley slowly approached the lodge, with their shoulders slumped.

Ashley: “Hey guys… can I talk with you about some things?”

They sighed. Celeste paused. She dusted her palms.

Celeste: “I guess so.”

She shrugged.

Tristan: “Why on Reona are you coming to me for advice? It’s going to be used against me at a later date to justify a decision you regret.”

He said to them coolly, inhaling another long drag. Ashley bowed their head.

Ashley: “I’m sorry I upset you, Tristan… I should have listened to you and Deimos the first time about Lazaros, and even though you advised me to be patient with Lazaros, I made the decision to stay with him, so it’s my fault… It’s not your fault.”

They pursed their lips.

Celeste: “Yeah, no offense, but what you did was shitty after Tristan proved Blair was blackmailing you.”

She said awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck. Ashley pursed their lips and nodded, overcome with guilt.

Ashley: “I’m so sorry, Tristan! You were just trying to help, and you helped me with Blair! What can I do to make it up to you?!”

They cried. Tristan slid a bookmark in and closed his book over. He tapped his cigarette against his ashtray.

Tristan: “First, erase the thought that Blair edited that footage from your head. He defecated by our patio like a wild animal. A wild animal has more pride. He doesn’t have the brains to concoct such a scheme.”

He said firmly. Celeste nodded. Ashley swallowed hard and embraced themself, their head and shoulders slunk in defeat as they accepted the hard proof before them.

Celeste: “Yeah, Blair is fuckin’ braindead. Editing movies is an Ivy thing, and she ain’t here.”

She drawled. Tristan flicked his gaze to her. Huh, he thought.

Tristan: “Nevertheless…”

He shifted his position in his lounge.

Tristan: “You and Jordi entered a relationship too quickly. Both of you left underwhelming or toxic relationships, and neither of you let anything breathe. Ashley, you did move in with Lazaros too quickly. I don’t believe that this relationship serves any other purpose other than being a rebound. Jordi and Madelyn were also a rebound. He never gave himself the chance to let go of his hurt feelings toward Gina, nor did you with Lazaros.”

He explained, heaving a deep sigh. Ashley bowed their head. They knew he was right. Moving on with Jordi was quick, but it felt so right.

Ashley: “I-I know… I regret Lazaros, and I feel so stupid…”

They covered their face with their hands in shame.

Ashley: “What do you mean by rebound? Isn’t that a bad thing?”

They knit their eyebrows.

Tristan: “Yes, because feelings still linger. Jordi never gave himself time to get over Gina, and you didn’t get over Lazaros.”

He replied coolly.

Ashley: “What do you mean by feelings? Like, he’s still in love with her? I’m not in love with Lazaros anymore. I want nothing to do with him anymore!”

They said, with hurt in their tone, as they thought of Lazaros with resentment. Tristan put his hand up.

Tristan: “That isn’t what I said. What I said was you never gave yourself the time to get over him!”

He said with some trace of irritation. Ashley thought about what he said. He was right, as soon as it ended, they ended up at Jordi’s house, and then one thing led to another.

Celeste: “You know, Fab and Craig dated for a long time. When Fab dumped him, he didn’t get with me. He just… wanted to do his own thing, and he did. Then me and him got together. We wanted a poly relationship with Jax, but… now we don’t.”

Ashley turned to her.

Ashley: “How did he do that? How did he not want to be with you and be able to be on his own?”

They asked, genuinely curious and in awe, as if this was a foreign concept to them.

Celeste: “I dunno. Fab maybe didn’t know he was in love with me? We were friends, though.”

Tristan: “Fabien needed a break from the dating scene to figure himself out, and he did.”

He reiterated.

Ashley: “That’s nice, you both seem happy now.”

They smiled earnestly at her.

Ashley: “...How did you cope with the hurt from Jaxon, though? And how did you do with Deimos?”

They asked them both.

Celeste: “I dunno. I think Jax is moving on, and I am moving on from him.”

She drawled. Ashley nodded, thinking of Lena and the conflict between her and Jordi over Jaxon.

Tristan: “It took me a while to forgive Deimos. I didn’t do it on a whim. I had to feel he was truly sorry, and he proved to me that he was.”

He replied, crushing his cigarette in his ashtray. Ashley smiled a bit, happy for them.

Celeste: “I guess… It’s like baking a cake. You bake one at 350 degrees for thirty-five to forty-five minutes, and it turns out nice. If you bake it at 480 for ten minutes, you burn it!”

She chirped. Ashley’s eyebrows rose as they had a lightbulb moment, resonating with her analogy.

Tristan: “That is an excellent metaphor, Celeste. What she means is you can’t rush something if you want it to blossom and turn out right.”

He said, his tone softening. Ashley took in their words and nodded.

Ashley: “Wow, you’re both so wise! The way you put it with the cake makes so much sense!”

They exclaimed.

Ashley: “So… what about Jordi and me? What do I do now? Am I overreacting? Why didn’t he tell her about me or tell her to stop bossing him around and touching him? Did I do something to upset him?”

They sighed as their head spun with confusion and hurt.

Celeste: “Huh?”

She tilted her head.

Tristan: “Jordi has issues with setting boundaries, would be my guess, but also I believe he thinks you are not over Lazaros and will do to him what you did with Lazaros.”

He replied evenly.

Ashley: “Oh… I understand that.”

They sighed, thinking of their struggles with boundaries, too. Did I make other people hurt from that, too? They wondered.

Ashley: “I don’t love Lazaros anymore, though, but you’re right that I’m not over him in the way that he still triggers me to feel hurt! Why would I do to him what I did with Lazaros, though? He’s nothing like Lazaros, and he treats me like a human being and loves me, and I love him!”

They exclaimed. Tristan stroked his ponytail. I have my work cut out for me, he thought.

Celeste: “Why did you have to jump into a relationship with Jordi? Why couldn’t you just be his friend?”

She asked them.

Ashley: “Because I love him and it felt right in the moment, and we both wanted to be together…”

They said softly. Celeste pursed her lips. Tristan drew a long breath. Do I have the patience for this? He wondered.

Celeste: “Uh, okay, cool!”

She gave a thumbs-up.

Celeste: “Hey, Fab used to work with Jordi! Maybe you could talk to him!”

She beamed. Tristan gaped at her. That’s Celeste-speak for “I don’t know what to say without hurting your feelings, so Fabien can do that,” he thought.

Ashley: “Oh? Uh, sure, if he wants to talk to me.”

They nodded.

~

Fabien lay stretched out in the woven hammock on the patio, his large frame sinking comfortably into the mesh. He moved with a slow, rhythmic sway, one leg dangling over the side to keep the motion steady as he watched the amber glow of the setting sun dip toward the horizon. Holding a loosely rolled joint between his fingers, he took a long, meditative pull, the cherry glowing bright in the encroaching twilight. He held the smoke for a moment before exhaling a thick, fragrant cloud that swirled lazily into the salty sea breeze. The atmosphere on the patio was thick with the peaceful sounds of chirping crickets and the distant, rhythmic shushing of the tide against the shore, allowing him a rare moment of absolute quiet.

Ashley approached him with some cupcakes. Fabien raised his head to gape at Ashley with the cupcakes.

Ashley: “Hey, Fabien, uhh, how are you doing? I was wondering if we could have a talk about something, Celeste said I should go to you!”

They scratched the back of their head.

Fabien: “What about? Jordi?”

He asked as he exhaled a long plume of smoke. Ashley’s eyes widened.

Ashley: “How did you know?!”

Fabien: “Because Blair just showed us a reel of Jordi with another woman.”

He replied, taking a long drag. Ashley bowed their head.

Ashley: “Yeah…”

They pursed their lips.

Fabien: “Jordi and I used to be co-workers at Danny Donger’s. He was the only one who would talk to me. No one else does, except to work there.”

He laughed. Ashley smiled.

Fabien: “But yeah, when we worked together, he would always jump from relationship to relationship. When one of his partners did something he didn’t like, he would vanish like a fuckin’ ghost.”

He drawled. Ashley’s smile faltered, and they felt their heart sink into their stomach.

Fabien: “It’s like… he was looking for something to fill in that void that can never be filled, and when he realized his partner at the time was a flawed human being, he left. Found another one. Same shit happened.”

He explained. He then realized he could have also been talking about Jaxon. Ashley embraced themself, thinking of Lazaros treating them like garbage when they weren’t like that beehive woman, and how he’d thrown them away for the next thing.

Ashley: “O-Oh… I see…”

Their heart pounded in their chest, and they were at a loss for words.

Fabien: “I mean…”

He turned over to face them.

Fabien: “He wanted Tristan as a boyfriend, and Tristan knew what he was gonna get into, so he noped out of that.”

He drawled. Ashley’s eyebrows rose surprisingly.

Ashley: “Oh, he crushed on Tristan before?”

They asked. Fabien nodded.

Fabien: “Jordi is a good friend, don’t get me wrong, but I wouldn’t date him.”

Ashley: “Oh… he seemed so sweet and caring… and not in that fake way that Lazaros was… I don’t know what to do. I love him, and this pains me to hear and… see it…”

They cried, thinking of the footage and Jordi’s cold reaction to them.

Fabien: “I dunno… Why didn’t you wait? Why did you jump into a relationship with him? Or even Lazaros?”

He asked them. Ashley bowed their head.

Ashley: “Well, where I come from, there is no waiting for love… when a light crosses your path, you go to it… and I thought they were nice and cared about me, too…”

They sighed sadly, gazing up at the sky.

Fabien: “Maybe you need to stick with your own species.”

He shrugged and leaned back. Ashley tilted their head.

Fabien: “Lazaros is not looking for love; he just wants to get his dick hard to some fat woman. Jordi doesn’t know what he wants. Some people can’t be in relationships at all.”

He explained, thinking of Jaxon and even Craig.

Ashley: “I know that now! But I didn’t before…”

They groused, thinking of Lazaros.

Ashley: “Huh? How can anyone not want love? Love is the most powerful energy and experience in the universe!”

They tilted their head with bemusement.

Fabien: “I dunno, some people just don’t want it and fair game. I applaud people who own it and not pretend it’s something it’s not.”

He explained, taking a cupcake, peeling the liner, and eating it. Ashley sighed.

Ashley: “Yeah… Lazaros pretended to love me, and so did Blair, even though I never loved him. He doesn’t actually love me, but like, his weird version of me that doesn’t exist! Blair always pretends things, though, like pretending to be nice! I like that you don’t pretend things!”

They rambled.

Before Fabien could utter another word, Jordi walked down the shoreline. Ashley turned to see Jordi in the distance. Jordi walked up the patio and paused to see Ashley with Fabien. Ashley paused when they saw Jordi.

Jordi: “Sorry, I missed dinner.”

Fabien shrugged.

Fabien: “Why, man? I don’t care. It’s your life.”

Ashley pursed their lips, not knowing what to do or say to him. Jordi didn’t reply. He walked inside the lodge and went up to his bedroom. Ashley looked hurt and embraced themself.

~

With his reading glasses on, Jordi sat on the upstairs balcony and focused on his book. He drew a drag from his cigarette, his mind drifting back to the day’s events.

The tension from the beach hung heavy in his mind, mingling with the frustration of the earlier confrontation. He replayed the scene with Mattie and the confused, wounded look on Ashley’s face, a gnawing sense of unease settling in his chest. Was he truly looking for connection, or was he just caught in the same cycle of running from his own discomfort? As he stared out into the darkness, he felt the weight of his own choices, realizing that his desire for space had only created a deeper, more painful distance.

He heard footsteps creak under the floorboards and saw Tristan standing before him. He sauntered to the vacant lounge chair beside him and sat.

Tristan: “Thinking?”

Jordi gazed at him as his glasses hung over the bridge of his nose.

Jordi: “That’s an understatement.”

He muttered, taking another drag.

Jordi: “I am well aware of how Ashley lived with Blair, and he thought he had a chance with them when they wanted Lazaros so badly.”

He said bitterly.

Jordi: “And Lazaros just dumped them, and I… let them stay at my place. I felt bad, and this is… my flaw. I do and do for people, they get the wrong idea, and I don’t want to say no, but I also… want to be loved?”

He explained.

Jordi: “But I think I want to be loved because I never had that after my grandmother left. My grandfather is horrible to me, and Lena and I just reunited.”

He explained with a pained look.

Jordi: “I don’t know what I want, Tristan!”

He confessed as his bottom lip trembled.

Tristan scrutinized him. He remained silent for a moment, his sharp gaze softening as he took in Jordi’s raw vulnerability. He noticed the slight tremor in Jordi’s voice and the desperate, searching look in his eyes, and it struck him that beneath the layers of confusion and bad timing, Jordi was simply, profoundly lonely.

Tristan: “Jordi, you need to do more of what you’re doing now… You need to reflect on what you want, because this behavior you’re engaging in is hurting many people.”

Jordi: “I KNOW!”

He bellowed. Tristan didn’t flinch. Jordi looked down, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes.

Jordi: “I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

He wept.

Jordi: “I don’t know what I want, Tristan.”

He repeated himself.

Jordi: “Ashley wanted to be with me seconds after their relationship with Lazaros ended. It’s jumping from man to man. I know I do this, too. I just want to be loved, and I don’t know if I can give the other party love or if they can love me. Hahahah, I don’t even know if I can love someone! Maybe I am not a good lover!”

He laughed a humorless laugh.

A heavy silence settled between them, punctuated only by the distant, rhythmic surf. Jordi stared into the shadows, his chest heaving with the force of his admission. The shame of his patterns—the desperate grasping for affection that always seemed to slip through his fingers—clawed at him, leaving him feeling hollow and exposed. He realized with a jarring clarity that he had been using these fleeting connections as a shield against the crushing weight of his own solitude, only to end up hurting the very people he sought to keep close. The humorless laugh he’d just let out hung in the air like a ghost, a bitter acknowledgment of how fragile and fractured his own sense of self had become.

Tristan drew a long breath.

Tristan: “I hate to use an outdated cliché, but I firmly believe you need to love yourself before you can love another.”

He looked away.

Jordi: “Talk about Deimos.”

He muttered.

Tristan: “We’re not discussing Deimos; we’re discussing you.”

He said firmly, but gently.

Jordi winced as Tristan’s words landed with the precision of a surgeon’s blade. He felt the cold, empty space in his chest where a sense of self was supposed to reside, realizing how much of his life had been spent performing for others just to feel seen. The mention of Deimos was a mirror he didn’t want to look into; seeing someone else achieve the very clarity and devotion he lacked made his internal chaos feel like a personal failure. A wave of shame washed over him, hot and suffocating, as he realized that while he was busy collecting affection like driftwood, he was still drifting further away from the man he actually wanted to be.

Jordi: “At least Deimos only wants one person. He knows who he wants in a lover. Right?”

He laughed bitterly.

Tristan sighed, the sound barely audible over the surf. He studied Jordi’s profile, seeing the jagged edges of a man who was using comparison as a shield against the truth. It was frustrating to watch Jordi fixate on Deimos’ certainty, as if that were a destination rather than a process. Tristan knew that Deimos’ clarity hadn’t come easily; it was earned through mistakes, vulnerability, and a fierce, sometimes painful, dedication to growth—none of which Jordi seemed ready to accept for himself yet. He needed to break through this defensive wall, to show Jordi that measuring his own brokenness against someone else’s stability wouldn’t fix anything.

Tristan: “Deimos is not a benchmark for your existence, Jordi. And your obsession with his clarity is just another way to avoid looking in the mirror.”

He leaned forward, his expression sharpening.

Tristan: “He is sure because he stopped looking for exits and started building a foundation. You’re still just running, and that is why you’re alone, regardless of who you’re with.”

Jordi felt a pang of hurt in his chest. He knew Tristan was right.

Jordi: “I’m running, aren’t I?”

He whispered, his voice cracking. He looked out at the dark ocean, the waves mirroring the restless motion of his own life.

Jordi: “It’s terrifying to think that if I stop… There might be nothing there.”

He looked at Tristan, his eyes glistening.

Jordi: “What if I don't know how to build a foundation? What if I’m just… broken?”

Tristan: “Being broken is a state, not a sentence, Jordi. Foundations aren't built on perfection; they're built on the pieces you decide to pick up and hold together. You aren't lacking the materials—you're just terrified of the effort it takes to mortar them into something solid.”

He turned his gaze fully to Jordi, his expression gentle.

Tristan: “You aren't broken. You're just unfinished. Life is a work in progress. Everything is trial and error.”

He said gently.

Tristan: “You keep looking for someone else to hold the mortar, Jordi, but that’s your job. If you keep handing the trowel to whoever happens to be standing nearby—like Madelyn, or Ashley—you’ll only ever build a house of cards. You have to be the one who decides where the walls go, even if you make a mistake and have to tear them down and start over.”

Jordi looked down at his hands, turning them over as if he could actually see the weight of the metaphorical tool Tristan described. The word “trowel” felt heavy in his mind, a responsibility he had spent years sidestepping by letting others define his path.

Jordi: “I think… I’ve been terrified to hold it.”

He admitted, his voice barely a whisper above the sound of the tide.

Jordi: “It was easier to let someone else build the walls, even if I knew they wouldn’t hold. Tearing down everything I’ve already stacked—it feels impossible, but… I think I have to try.”

He looked back at Tristan, a fragile, hesitant flicker of resolve appearing behind the exhaustion in his eyes.

Tristan: “Jordi, you need to have this discussion with Ashley. You both rushed into this.”

He pursed his lips.

Tristan: “I am not saying kick them out of your house, but if they wish to leave, let them go. I am saying be their friend, and if you two find yourselves back in each other’s arms, that’s wonderful. If not, it wasn’t meant to be.”

He said gently, surveying him.

Jordi let out a long, shuddering breath, the tension in his shoulders finally beginning to ebb. He looked at his hands again, realizing for the first time that they weren’t just for taking—they were for building.

Jordi: “You’re right.”

He met Tristan’s gaze, a newfound clarity tempering the raw pain in his eyes.

Jordi: “I’ll talk to Ashley. I’ll tell them the truth.”